Grandparents in Chinatown, Spring 2008, © Jane Tam

In Prospect Park, © Jane Tam

I’m still in my “post-BFA life is awkward” stage. Dreams of travel have been on my mind almost daily. I should just book a trip somewhere for a week. No worries about money or art career or whether I should go to grad school or not. Easier said than done. Where should I go?

Also, I was planning on selling a few prints soon. Earn a few extra bucks so I can buy film and paper. The drawing above is based on vintage Tam family photographs. My grandparents recently dug up old family albums for me. Some date back to the early 1900s.. back to the days of my great great grandparents in China. Would you be interested in buying drawings and photographic prints?

Tomato plant, 2008, © Jane Tam

When things slow down, I feel stuck in a rut.. but when the ball gets rolling, it really seems like miles a minute.

Grandmother, 2009 © Jane Tam

Trying to get use to syncing lighting with the 4×5. Hmm…¬†

My grandmother had an car accident a couple years ago and hurt her knee back then. She’s quick as a fox when she goes to Atlantic City every weekend but for the past couple of weeks, her knees have given up. It’s sad seeing her age so quickly.

Grandmother, © Jane Tam

Happy Inauguration Day!

It’s amazing how much has grown within the past year for Nymphoto. The blog has brought on a slew of new readers. We’re hoping to stay on this train and open up the opportunity for Op-Eds. There’s always talk among bloggers that criticism is on the down-low while self-promotion is the road to take and be safe. We want to share the struggles or successes of creating art and make sure it’s heard. For this Tuesday, I wrote a post about being 22, being financially strapped, being unmotivated after college, and how in the end, art-making is my priority. Read it, share your thoughts, and contribute an Op-Ed.

Grandfather, 2008 © Jane Tam

where to go from here.

I finished TA-ing a digital photography course at ICP a few weeks ago, and it ended the class with a final critique. The majority of the students held full-time jobs and still produced photographs of great quality for the night. I started to get angry at myself for not having produced a single new image since May. That’s seven months.

In May, I graduated and had my senior show but was dealing with family health issues and didn’t walk the graduation ceremony. I don’t have any regrets about it personally because it was only a show for my parents and if they couldn’t make it, I wouldn’t have walked anyways. So May was spent half in Syracuse wrapping things up, stressing over how to get my move on without a ride down to NYC (result: fedex 16 boxes worth of clothes, framed photos, random junk), and missing my Lightwork facilities and wondering if I can find a place in NYC that would take me in like that. The other half was mainly taking care of the family issue and being a good and filial daughter rather than tend to my selfish life.

Having the independence of moving out of the parents’ house during my Syracuse years was liberating. I always complained about the place and the people but it was the only time I was on my own. I was looking into renting an apartment with friends but ultimately knew I was no way capable of financially holding onto renting an apartment in New York City nor was I mentally capable of living with people my age again. With maybe $1000 to my name and the impending notice of all the loans that will have my head, I was unwilling to make the leap. So now I live in the very place that stunts my growth, my family home in Brooklyn.

I was sort of lucky to find a job within two months after graduating. Albeit it is mainly commercial, celebrity, and fashion photography work that I look at from 9-5 Monday to Friday, it is nice to not be a student. It’s hard though because like every other college student who just graduated, it’s a free fall. There are no more safety boundaries and no ringleader except myself. After working for a few months, while the cameras were collecting dust, I started to feel that itch again.

Grandparents picking ginkgo nuts, 2007 (outtake), © Jane Tam

My grandfather stole figs from the neighbor’s bush in the backyard. My aunt kept purchasing ridiculous exercise equipment advertised on Chinese infomercials. My cousin, who lives upstairs, and never talks to me, added me as a friend on Facebook.

I leaped and purchased a 4×5 field camera to encourage me to get out there and work. Somehow life gets in the way of making work. I sprain my ankle for the bazillionth time. I photographed my first wedding with a friend. (mmm, yeah….) I got frustrated with only having weekends to work.

Three weeks ago I went to SPE: NE to participate in a couple of portfolio reviews and see some lectures.¬† It was the boost I needed. Meeting with a lackadaisical and ambivalent gallery owner, then a pretty amazing photographer/educator/blogger made for a balanced portfolio-review day. It’s necessary to hear criticism and to have a conversation about the work. Capping it off at Zoe Strauss’s gallery talk was the cherry on top. It wasn’t the best SPE Conference ever since I did miss seeing many Northeast regional members and organizations (ie. Lightwork, Enfoco, CPW, etc). But you win some and you lose some.

The thought of going back to school for a MFA have been a battle on my brain. Though as much as I take my photography seriously, I haven’t been sold on the fact that one needs a masters degree. The only thing that is appealing is the community and the feedback it provides. Now, I went to Syracuse University with a small fine art photography department with only three main professors. They may not be big names, but they have been truly supportive and provided lots of guidance. (I was a little miffed when a gallery owner asked where I went for my BFA and scoffed at faculty names that did not provide the glamor that maybe SVA has. Oh.. so miffed) I think it will take me at least a year or two to get back into the thought of school.

Home and siblings with cousin and uncle, 1987, © Tam Family

So 2009 is but two days away and I look forward to warmer weather, possibly learning how to drive, launching a web project, organizing/cleaning my house and workspace, making money with the dayjob, and ultimately to continue to shoot a ton.

Buddhist Offerings ©Jane Tam

I’m always plugged in and my ipod can be an extension of my body when it comes to leaving my house. Lately I’ve been so preoccupied with not being occupied while walking, I zone out and feel like absolutely no thoughts are running through my head. Happens a lot when I go out during my lunch break and take my continuous walks to get away from Photoshop. From this zombie state, I almost got in two accidents involving cars coming my way and me being completely out. Don’t worry nothing happened.

Recently I’ve rekindled my love of the New York Public Libraries and found my library card, therefore catching up on my reading. The great thing thus far has been the ability to sit in the park benches or cafes and immerse myself into these novels. No ipod turned on, I catch conversations of strangers sitting near me. In Once Upon A Tart, there were two men chatting about the politics of the economy, Bush, China, Russia, some Tourneau event in the Upper West Side, and everything about crazy McCain and Palin. One dressed in sweats and rollerblades, the other is an immaculate suit, pressed to perfection, the slickest hair and the shiniest shoes. Their world seems like it would never collide with mine.

Sitting at Madison Square Park yesterday, during my break from Enfoco’s Portfolio Reviews, so many people were out and I caught some hilarious conversations and acts. The lady next to me had some sort of a throat problem.. and her loud farts sounded like duck quacks. A woman two seats over was hollering on the phone to her girlfriend about how crazy she must be to move in with a man she just started dating last week. A St. Bernard slugglishly walking through the park with his owner, a man wearing linen shirt and pants w/ a cigar. This is what I missed from being plugged in 24/7.

From all this time looking at others, I needed to think about my goals and the potential future I want to pave. I spend a lot of time online and usually it’s because I want to be in the know, what artists are doing, what new cameras are out, what new digital editing techniques I can learn, what crazy politics and gossip is going on, just about everything. Reading Cara Philips post about the ability to take risks, have the confidence, and be able to take criticism from mentors really hit the nail on the head for me. My family always took the modesty route as ego can often lead to gossip and problems.

Adapting to that role, I have grown to help others and especially friends with info I know, from getting jobs, resumes, website building, and just plain advice. I don’t know everything but I’d like to help any way I can. I know they have the work available to be able to make it out in the art world. I try very hard to get them into the drive. But you know what, if you try and they don’t appreciate the push, I should not waste my energy. Maybe it’s because I would like to surround myself with friends that are just as motivated and have that sense of community. College is over and I’d really like to think it’s time to set some goals and don’t be afraid of failure.

I’ve been on the search for a 4×5 field camera preferably lightweight and wood (for mainly superficial reasons). Came across a new Chinese brand, Chamonix, and quite intrigued. If only I was going to China, this would be my main investment! Though I don’t have much money so this will have to wait a few months.