It’s almost been a month since my grandmother’s passing. This Sunday the family will be making a trip to Cypress Hills Cemetary in Brooklyn to do our offerings for her one month death anniversary. It’s a bit odd and it still feels like she hasn’t left us at all. But one thing my family has noticed is that emotions hit you when you least expect it like the times when we’re making fun of her antics at Atlantic City, of how she yells at my grandfather, how she’d ask if you ate dinner yet 3 times in a row, and all her other little sayings.
What makes me sad is a bit selfish but I had so many plans for this summer to spend with her. She was certainly the easiest person I know in my family who can connect with my camera so quickly. I always look back into the few sessions I had with her as some of the strongest images. When I looked back at these photographs of her, I had wished I found photography earlier to photograph my other grandmother, who passed when I was 13.
Nelson Chan (whose work on his family inspires me as well) wrote me a sincere email telling me the story of his best friend feeling jealousy over his family images, after realizing he himself did not photograph his father who passed. Nelson did not realize what the feeling of jealousy was for his photographs until he told me he felt jealousy over my photographs of my grandmother.
I have not photographed for 3 months now and since receiving Nelson’s personal email, I am ready to pull through. My grandfather is now looking into learning how to surf the internet, maybe swimming, just got back from Las Vegas, and is planning to go to Hong Kong in the fall. To get through the grieving, you have to connect with the pain to keep going. I’m planning to follow my grandfather to China and experience how he now lives his life without his love. It might happen and it might not, depends on his plans and depends on my financials. But China aside, I shall continue to shoot and make the best out of this summer.