ugh
my roll of color film that has photos from The Gates is missing.. I think it got knocked into my garbage can, which has already been thrown out. I am hating myself now.. hating everything. There were some images on that roll that I really wanted.. whether it was aestetically good or not, it just contained moments I wanted to keep. There was this image of a father holding his baby daughter up to the saffron gates.. and that image was the most important to me on that roll..
I pray that it’s somewhere and I’ll find it.
i’m crying over this too, it’s insane..
EDIT:
so I thought about how shitty my mood was and the cry was much needed. It’s also been the stress I’ve been putting on myself w/ this Time Arts project.. that basically threw me into a whirlwind of negative emotions.
I found it amazing that I was crying over a roll of film. It made me realize that art is so important in my life that I definitely cant do anything else for my life. I remember in JHS when I was soo unsure about what HS I was gonna go to. I wanted to get into the smart schools and be the daughter that my mom always wanted; working at a bank and such.. but she’s happy w/ this daughter being all poor and artsified. I like having the freedom that art comes with.. and the possibilities of change, risks, and the determination to be happy with your work.
I still havent found my roll of film..I’ll miss it and unconsciously think of it but for now, I’ll have to go on w/ my exciting life at Syracuse. sooo exciting.
damn long posts nowadays.